Quarter Life Crisis

Going through the daily life of a young 20-something in manhattan and all the quirks of men, school, work, friends... sounds pretty lame but it can be very interesting. Using this to keep all my friends up-to-date with all the excitement. hah. enjoy.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

So fast forward a month... and i havent written one thing.. obviously a lot has happened since i last wrote... and im sorry ive been negligent. Im very confused, one minute happy the next freaking the next pissed. Hah it sucks... after a looooonnnngggg time things have been new with this guy and its been "normal" if you can say that and mean it. He was a friend from highschool that i knew.. didnt hang out with that much but saw in with my crowd of friends... over the summer we talked a bunch online but i didnt think that anything would occur because honestly i didnt think i would ever consider him in that manner. Things have been good.. but at time i dont know what to think. Do i like him? yes. Does he like me? yes. So that would be enough to just go ahead with something but there are a lot of those "but's" and "what ifs". He is a girls guy, most of his best friends being girls who he LOVES. One of them in particular he has had a thing for and they havent done much to make it progress into more than friendship. But, go figure i meet her and things were just wierd. Its like you know when you meet someone, and you just get this feeling like "this wont be good". Yeh, thats an understatement. Shes got attitude, which is fine, but shes got the kind that could create a huge problem. They are having problems lately because she hasnt talked to him in a while... and he is VERY upset about it. So what does this mean for me? Possibly that she could not like me now that im in the picture and took attention away from her. Also, this could have facilitated her feelings for him and now she feels like she wants something more. For him, it means that he could possibly drop me and go to her, because he has already stated if i dont like her, thats a problem. If i say something not nice or a little off, i get yelled at. The worst part is if i felt she said something bad about me id either be gone or he would listen to her. Yes so its that old tale of the best girl friend of a guy who hates the new girl, and creates a problem, and could possilby end the whole thing. Great.

On top of that, HA has been calling me like crazy and pretending like we are long lost best friends introducing me to his good friends from all over and wanting me to be around. I dont get him, me and AO think hes schizophrenic. And whats even better is now D is back in town, me recieving a text saying "hi baby" and inviting me to his bar... great. Then today, as i was signed online DA IMed me from across seas saying hes been real busy but wants to come see me in November. Holy shit, i love that old saying that never fails... "when it rains, it pours." I need to take a vacation or just get out of here and start all over.. there is too much old/new/old shit happening. Old guy from highschool who knows all my guy friends and everything thats happened to me... old hook up's who are flooding me like crazy. At some point i just have say scream WTF. Im confused as shit to whether i should contiune this familiar friendly easy american happiness that at some extent isnt happy because of all the situation. Its the worst feeling to have someone make you feel like they are SO into you then change and say that they could possibly not be ready for something after you have thrown your pride to the wall and gotten over ALOT of shit to be able to try something new. Im confused and annoyed and whatever else. The weather sucks as well so maybe this is why ive been moody. I have to run to class, which i have skipped soooo many because of whats been going on, stupid of me, but its funny what you allow yourself to do when you think things are great. Ill write more later.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Well its been long enough eh? Currently im in boston visiting the old roomie's before this year of hell starts. Sadly enough, coming here when everyone is going thru their own shit wasnt the best idea. Not too much has been up with me lately and men. A couple weeks ago actually i went to D's hookah bar even though hes away in Egypt cuz one of his friends called us up to come by. So we go and are treated like royalty and told how great we look, which is awesome always. And while we were outside having a cig i turn to the door.... and who else to i recognize but HA. I stopped breathing for about 2 min and turned white. AO felt so bad for me as well because she knew how that guy situation was. I grew balls and went back inside, saw him at the bar, hit his shoulder so he spilled his drink and when he turned to see who it was, he saw me, and a suprised huge smile appeared on his face.... which most likely meant "ooooh shit" in his head. I kept walking because i was not about to talk to him after the way hes been. Bottom line is i made him uncomfy and he left, which was a great feeling because this place used to be where HA brought me, now i made it my own with my own friends. That got me upset as hell, but i drank a ton more and forgot about it for the night. After that i have just been going to the beach chillilng out on the weekends and working during the week. AO is gone, so im pretty lonely but find small things to keep busy. After not hearing from HC for sooo long, he called me up and as i tried to ignore him he became more persistant so we hung out and he told me again how he cared for me b la blablabla. Sex was amazing as it always is, because for the most part ive stopped all the repeats and just kept to myself, but it was very fun to hang out with him. DA and i have been talking alomst every night online and i gave him alot of shit about not hearing from him etc. I do want to see him, but this would be the 3rd time i would be putting out money to go down to DR to see him and not goto a resort. At this point, it should be a half way meeting i think esp. with the situation at hand. Hes a good guy and all, but hes your typical man. If many things in life were different, maybe something could work, but currently it wont. I also got PISSED off at him cuz sometimes you want to make someone feel really good so you totally embellish how you feel about them and your desire to be with them, well he didnt see it this way and saw it as i was saving myself from being with other men since i really wanted to be with him. Hah, honey dont flatter yourself THAT much. Guys can be so conceided and oblivious, so i let him know loud and clear that i am not waiting for him one bit. As i said, who knows when ill see him, but at this point he should make an effort as well. Classes begin on tuesday and my sched isnt terrible.... maybe this year ill meet some intersting people rather then my stereotype of the typical "individual" that attends this university. Ahhh my my... im off to enjoy a few cold beers and the first football game of the season at the bar... and just enjoy my friend before its back to the grind of daily living and man drama of NYC.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

I know its been a while... but theres not too much news to report... ive been spending days at the beach with the 'rents, as it was just my father's birthday... they officially own completely the beach house and am so thrilled when they retire they will actually be EXTREMELY well off since they will accumulate all that our house in north jersey is worth and can do whatever they like with that huge chunk of change.

I have been speaking to DA alot lately actually... and i like it alot. Almost every other day, and long talks about everything... and some very "satisfying" convo's at that... only would be more satisfying if we were physically together because on the computer it sounds as good as it was. I am looking to go visit him for columbus day weekend and will probably not see the light of day. and i cant wait. any more news ill let you know but now is the calm before the storm, meaning the start of fall/school. yikes.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Oh forgot what happened on Tuesday night before i left for st thomas, as i crawled into bed to wake at 5am, i get a random text message from and online source and it said it was DA saying to sign online. So i signed on and we started the uncomfortable chatter for the first 10 min about small things. Then i say how ive been put off by the way he hasnt been around at all etc, he told me alot was going on in his life which was true and i think is a hard thing to go through. I actually sent him the link to the blog because i figured it was the best way to show up what ive been up to, how i felt about him also because i described it pretty well, and he can really get to know me. So he reads and at first i was slightly nervous as we know there are things said on here, blunt truth, that can be hard to read and not judge but at this point he needed it and needed him to know it. So he actually appologized for making me feel like i was only some fantasy etc. Saving you the details, it was a good talk, a much needed talk and we'll see if we begin to talk more. Id like to go visit, not sure when, but sometime within the next few months to take a break from hell life last year of college. In general, on vacation i tried to make myself decide to change my view on what men i should be dealing with and what not, we'll see how long it lasts for but i recognized it. I feel very blah right now, but its better than how i felt when i left about all my situations. Remeber the Titan's is on tonight, and thats a GREAT movie. Ok im off to be lazy.
Well its been a whileeee.... thats simply bc ive been off in a little place of paradise... St. Thomas.

To start, the night before i left my wonderful friend KK from Boston came down to go enjoy her first Yankee game with me (even though shes a raging BoSox fan). We started our subway trek to the bronx, went to the pinstrip club for dinner thanks to my mom's season tix. We drank alot, alot, alot of beer. And instead of going to her seats we snuck down to about the 14th row behind home plate... not too shabby huh? After the yanks won and me and KK caught up on allllll the stuff we missed this summer, it was off home to go out for a crazy ass night. We got home around 11.... jumped in the shower, threw on a totally new set of sexy clothes then jumped in the cab to stop at Le Souk... another hookah bar in the village that has great monday nights. Got there and i said hello to the bouncer whom i know threw the slew of D's friends etc. Went inside to visit another Promo i know but it was wayyyy too packed. Saw that trainer from Crunch ironically... he was throwing compliments my way but not in the mood to stay there since there was no where to move or breathe. Jump in another cab and head to Aer. It was a private party and my main Promo was there so downstairs we head to VIP. It was a good group of people... and the funniest person EVER was there... sooo a long long time ago, in the 90's.. if you ever saw that magazine BOP it had all those heart throbs... remember? Well it was JTT's rival. Hah, Andrew Keegen was there, and KK pointed him out. This kid or dude was dressed now with his long tresses, kinda skinny, with the trendy rockstar wear on. I think his days of fame are far past but he still had a blast. So we drank, and drank, and drank.... and i was absolutely hammerd. I havent been that drunk in a very long time and add it on to what was flowing in our blood from the yank game. So we leave and decide it will be fun to walk from 13th to 26th... got out food and got home around 5am. It was beautiful, nothing special, but so nice to spend a crazy night with KK

Then i leave for St. Thomas and the Virgin Islands. It was FANTASTIC. I know i rant and rave about Domincan Rep and such, but this place was the most relaxing, chill, do as you please place ever. I get down there and all it is, is islands-white sands-boats-etc. I get to this place called Secret Harbor and fall i love. I meet up with my aunt/uncle, 2 cousins one 20 one 16, and their good family friend with a girl my age, and a brother 19 with two of his friends. We spent the next days drinking.. i caught up and reached a new level with my 2 cousins that was much needed, i want to keep in touch with him more often. One day we chartered 2 boats throughout st John and the british virgin islands.... all i have to say is wow. Stopped at this place called Foxy's which has the #3 new years eve party in the world which im considering this year? And then my favorite spot was a boat called Willy T's. This boat has a kitchen on it that makes all food and the other half was a bar. Its notoriously known for women getting absolutely naked walkin up to the top deck and jumping off the back two stories down into the water. So my aunt gets hammered along with everyone else which was so nice and tells me to do it. Instead of a tshirt which i reaaaalllly wanted- she made a deal with the bartender i get a bottle of his rum and a tank top. Deal! So i crawl up top, strip down, laughing the whole time, threw my bathing suit down and jumped! infront of everyone and it was absolutly amazing. I love swimmin naked and took it on myself to do so for the next 3 days. I think i made those 3 young boys entire vacation, one of the cutest ones ran up top and jumped off just so he could meet me in the water while i was still naked. I found it cute just because it was, if he was older id think he was a dirtbag. I considered giving this kid a kiss and making his day, but it didnt happened because i sobered up haha. The rest of the vacation went as so- traveling to pristine beaches, laying in the sun, drinking, eating, laughing. Not only do i feel 15lbs heavier so im gona start or more like stop eating and work out haha, but i feel so releived. I made some great friends, good bond with my family, and relaxed. Coming home was bad enough, i want to be there atleast every 4 months. Now im enjoying my day off, going to get my starbucks fix, and motivate for 3 hours at the gym.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

So... one more added on to today... there was this guy R, who i met through D... one of his good friends who's around 27 and HOT. I mean he's about 6'5 or so, 8-pack, and tanned as hell. I mean ive flirted with him forever... well i just texted him to say hello- yes i did pick the day D left for egypt... im an ass. Asked what he was up to, riding his bike in the park, asked where i live and would come stop by (this story-line is sounding repetitive huh?) He came over, and holy crap he looked hot... walked in, gave me the feel every inch of you body with my hands hug and then took off his shirt and i almost started drooling... he tried a few times to hook up with me and i steered clear bc of D and i felt bad bc this would be the 3rd one in a circle of friends i kissed even though they arent close, they still know eachother. So we chatted, i said im not looking to just have fun so its better off nothing happens, he tried, and tried, and tried... but i didnt. What self control right? So as he was leaving to go, i kissed him goodbye and added in a little making out because it was so hard to resist and he was a GREAT kisser. This made it so much harder. But hes the type of guy who the ladies love and believe me he loves the ladies, obviously nothing serious will occur with him, but we'll see how long i can resist the temptation. Awesome. So you know im going to be contacting him to hang out- we'll see where it goes- but DAMN it was hard to resist, and i have no idea how long i can resist it. Arg. Definately hanging out again, we'll see if that whole hang out but not really fool around thing works on him. What a freakin predicament.
Just got back to my apt from Long Beach Island.... it was a nice calm weekend, nothing to really report thats fun. D left for Egypt, we'll see if i get a ticket sent in the mail to join him hah. So i spent some time hanging with my family the one night i spent at my beach house and it was nice. Went shopping with my mom and aunt, which when together is the biggest wine-drinking funny women in the entire world and i love it. During shopping my mom must have really missed spending time with me or really liked what i tried on because we spent a little over 300$ on a few pieces of clothing without a problem, yay for me, cute juicy cover-up and white sweat pants- perfect for my airplane-wear this wed when i leave for a much needed vacation to St. Thomas. Went to dinner at this amazing restaurant called the Plantation, definately go there and have the blackened sushi-block of tuna, Mmm! Drank well with my parents and my Dad, who i used to butt-head's with alot more when i was younger told me he thinks about how i am in the city alone all the time and feels bad i am living alone, it was adorable- this is part of the ive-drank-too-much-wine-and-love-you-so-much talk i get whenever i recieve a phone call from him past 9pm, knowing he's had some wine.
Heard the cutest story about my mom last week too. Supposedly she was "across the street" wtih there good friends they spend almost every other day with having dinner, and anyone who knows my mom, across the street means wine-drinking-night with a bottle per each of them. My neighboors have a pool in the backyard and as the story goes, they wanted to go swimming but it began to downpour heavily- the woman neighbor grabbed my moms hand, they both ran outside giggling together, walked up to the pool and jumped in fully clothed and went swimming for the next 45min in their clothes in the pouring rain... i almost fell over when i heard this story because this is something i would do, not my mom who's over 50. I love it. I hope im still having that much fun drinking with friends when im her age! And now i know who i get my alcohol tolerance, intelligence, and love for spontaneity from, love my mom. and my dad too. Not sure about the horrible spelling, maybe i just missed that day in school for grades k-6th huh?

Saturday, August 06, 2005

So i took a little breather this weekend which was really nice... before friday though i had a fun little encounter on thursday... so let me set up the scenerio for you:

Imagine, a few weeks ago at your gym you see a boxer who has sex appeal dripping off him but a little bit of european mixed in too... boxer's body, hair long enough to just tie back in an elastic which is when it looks best- and him looking at you from the ring with his passionate eyes.. yes i was like mmm mmm mmm. And just my luck the boxing trainer that gives me random free lessons and flirts with me trains him too- so i introduced myself and it turns out he owns his own a restaurant down in the village, its italian and so is he.. thats right off the boat born and raised italian stallion thats been in the states for 7 years... yum! So he offers his card and dinner at his restaurant, i took him up on it but it was short night and i went home early and thanked him... but i got a phone call thursday, my day off, and he was asking how i was etc and said he had some time and would stop by- we both knew that it wasnt to just stop by and say hello

So to begin this segment, he says he will be over and will take his harley davidson over here... i could only imagine how sexy he looked on that thing. Comes to my apt and with his fantastic italian accent greets me as bella (yeh sure fire way to get my clothes off!) and sits down... he looked GOOD. We sit and chat about life, what hes doing- including him leaving the country to go live with his brother by september) so that was a sad thing to hear. And i just looked googly-eyed at him when he would try you use words and english and they didnt come out right, so cute. So after fun convo, he tells me he's really only been with 2 american woman while here (the rest have been intern'l) and no one younger then him, being 30. Thats alot to live up to huh? So im thinkin he's some AMAZING passionate expressive love etc, and he asks me to sit closer. Starts rubbing my shoulder saying things under his breathe, and his kissing was a little short of fantastic... it was just kinda "off", i had to teach him my way and it took a little but we got it after a while... then moves to take off my shirt and starts saying how fantastic my breast were- like he hasnt seen 3000 pairs by now? This is a kicker, he then begins to start doing this thing that made me want to burst out laughing... so you know that new movie Wedding Crasher? And that scene where Vince Vauhn was doing the Motorboat? Um, yeh... thats all i could think, was the motor boat- this guy was going nuts over my chest and then started doing this wierd thing where honestly i thought when i guy blows air lightly your breasts its sensual you know, but this guy started blowing air at my breasts like he was putting a freakin fire out! All this time i kept my eyes clsoed and TRIED not to burst out laughing or say what the shit are you doing! SO then to end that i moved him off the couch with me towards the bed... where he did that whole sexy take my clothes off, this was good. Then he goes to remove his jeans and hes comando... wonder how that feels riding a harley? So hes your typical euro who didnt have the pleasure of that little procedure done to baby boys after birth, but its ok, bc i didnt focus on that- all i knew was now i have a new respect for real-deal italian men, not sure if the same can be said about the american guido, hah. His body, looked MUCH better in clothes though... and it was light- so my whole fantasy about this passionate italian man man with the accent and passion went out the window... what a freakin let down huh?! After we laid on my bed talking for a while, which made me feel bad and get over the fact of what had just i think occured but he seemed thoroughly satisfied and happy because id say we were laying naked talking about 5 mins after going over to the bed.... hah, ill take that as a compliment- 3rd time the charm (for the american part) and i guess that rumor he told me about younger woman being better than older woman was true in my case... so maybe i turned out to be his fantasy more than mine. Ill deal and totally hang out with him again, maybe this time keeping him clothed and speaking to my face... not sputtering and blowing out wide fires on my breasts! What a nice way to spend my day off!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Wow... whatta day... whatta week thus far... so as i previously wrote i heard from DA but dont care too much... then yesterday i had off and sat on my ass all day- fun fun, then AO called me up bc she was at dinner and wanted to go out for a drink to talk etc.. so we get all pretty dressed up in some sun dresses and looked more 30-something, it was fun. Knew the night was going to be good when we staked out a place on park ave and after being there 5 min the owner decided to come over to the bar and make us two drinks of our choice on the house- Extra Dirty Martini's it was!! so now that we were feeling all loose we stopped by this place called flute to meet up with my promo friend who always takes me out to the hot spots for free entry, no waiting on line, straight to VIP, drinking from his bottles which we dont pay for... he is the quintessensial accessory object to the NYC nightlife. After eating some spring rolls we decided we were too tired to head to Aer and i drove AO to her car... i made a few phone calls on the way just to see what else was up for the night. I called D, and he called me back suprisingly to tell me to stop by and how he was leaving for Egypt this sunday for more than a month... i said how i was pissed because when i told him we were just going to be friends i didnt hear from him for over 3 weeks... so i show up looking mighty fine i think and start drinking right away to ease into the situation... every time i go there i know everyone who works there and feel like theyre VIP its great- free drinks and a hookah is set up right infront of me, i love it. So D starts his usual jabb about how he thinks im so beauituful, wants to run away with me, wants to be with me yada yada making me feel bad... yes that "pity" was starting to come on fast-- and yes i put myself right back into a bad situation again. I told him i was going to leave and he said he would walk me to my car- Hello! RED FLAG- but i stlil let him... those 5 vodka tonics didnt help with my clarity.. so he goes to tell me he wants to send me a ticket so i will come visit in egypt- and yes i would go! are you kidding me? id go for like 5 days and make it the best time ever!! then kisses me and i kissed him back, why not give the guy something to make him happy before he leaves right? So then he drops the bomb... he tells me "Im in love with you" and most women wait and wait til they hear these beauitful words one day... but from someone they love back! I didnt know what to say, so i said uhhh no you dont, and he said yes i do, i love you... CRAP. So with that i got in my car and drove back to my apt. I mean, i wish i could care about this guy, but with his track record it would just never ever ever work... after that night, i need to sit and do nothing for the rest of the day!